All I do need is…

Today might just be another day in the countless days that has made the world a different place. For the ocean of people, this might just be another day. But for me, this day has changed. A man has changed me, forcing me to mature. I welcome the change. Though I slip once-in-awhile, I am welcoming the change. I stand in my fault driven pavement created by the rocky roads of the past and the childish skills. Now I understand that the actions has already taken its toll. I have made him fall out in some ways. The nonsense calls that I make, desperate to hear his voice again. To my exceedingly nagging sentences, thinking that the worst is always coming. Today, I realize that thinking nothing but positive for him does help. There was once a time that I was convulsing mentally, worrying that he might have lost his phone coz he wasn’t texting, only to learn that he left his phone accidentally due to a rush of things. The cost was great. I called a friend, and asked about him and another friend that was there in that area of work. The truth might have slipped. I had to know that he’s ok. My intentions were just as clean as crystal, but just as the crystal, the light was bended to the other direction where I did not intend it to be. My intentions wouldn’t justify my action. Now, I am stuck again between a rock and a hard place. But compared to him, I only taste a drop in water in his ocean of problems. I have divulged him things that I could just share the closest of friends, but there are more secrets that I have that I will be confiding. (I wonder if he will ever confide to me again). I think im trust worthy, I think im a good man but now that all this things are happening. I feel the need to rethink that I have still many things to learn - from him, my self, my experience, and all the other countless sources that I will encounter. I have waited for so so long for a man like him. And no matter how rich a man can be, he can never afford a man like him to fade. The truth is, I NEED to let him stay – for my sanities sake. I need to experience a love that would last with a good man. Is he the good man that I have waited for, or is he the greatest man that I can never keep. And I don’t know if I am worthy. So I stand now in my fault driven pavement, welcoming change. A change for the better. If he reads this, know that I am in the verge of change so please just give me time… all I need is time.

From the dear author…

Feelgay